| Tricks of the Trade© |
Morning edition Wednesday June 28, 2000 |
For those that would like to listen, here's my story.
The following two part story is a brief summary of the last ten years or so of my life. I realize this isn't a technical article, but I feel it may help a few people. I thank you for taking the time to read it. If this does nothing else, I'm hoping it will help you to appreciate the important people around you and try to strive for a balance between your personal and business lives.
Every day I wake up in the morning and thank God that I'm alive. I'm surrounded by great family and friends and have the privilege to be working for myself. I have a place to live, food to eat and I'm healthy. I wasn't aware of any of these things up until about two years ago.
Starting around 1990 and ending in the fall of 1998, I was an active alcoholic and drug addict. How it all started and why it took me on such a long and destructive path, I'll never know. I also don't know how I ever survived or my business ever survived. I use the word "survive" because I definitely wasn't living, I was dying. Slowly, but surely.
In my world, everything was fine and I was enjoying the fruits of my labors. I would stay out partying with friends, buying everyone drinks and having a great time. I rationalized my behavior by telling myself, and everyone else, how hard it is to run a business and that I deserved to be able to "vent" this way. Well, while I was venting this way, every important person in my life was, running that way. They had tried valiantly and unsuccessfully to make me aware of how I was destroying myself and my business. I would say, " I don't have to go to work, I can call the guys and they'll take care of what has to be done." The phone call would follow shortly after to one of the guys. " Hey John, it's Mike, I've got a lot of estimates to do today so I won't be stopping at the job site alright?" "Yeah sure, but why are you calling me at 4:30 in the morning?"
I wondered why I couldn't keep any help. I took care of these guys. I paid them on time every week. They got to work without supervision. I had also given them way too much responsibility. I had every excuse in the book why I was doing what I was doing and who was to blame for it. Not me.
Looking back on it now, it was very progressive. During the last three years of this insanity, I was making all of the mistakes that I swore I never would. I had put my drugs and alcohol before my fiancée' and my family and friends. I was not returning calls for estimates. Out of desperation, I would manage to land a new contract so I could once again survive through the next episode. I was cutting corners wherever I could to increase the amount of money that went in my pocket, which eventually went to beer or a local drug dealer. My bills and suppliers where not getting paid and I eventually had to file for bankruptcy. My fiancée' left because she couldn't take it any more.
Then it happened. I had stopped to see my parents who I had been neglecting for quite a while. It was just before Christmas in 1997. As I sat down, I had a sense that something was wrong. I can't remember exactly how it was said, but I was told that my mother had lung cancer and had about a year to live. Perfect reason to stop what I was doing, right? WRONG!
What followed was a year of even worse drinking and drugging. A vain attempt to numb everything that was happening in my life. In the fall of 1998, my newest relationship failed for exactly the same reasons as the rest. What is going on here? I'm not a bad person. I was right, I wasn't a bad person, but I was a very sick person.
The miraculous turnaround will be the second part of this story, where hopefully I can deliver a positive and insightful message that will benefit many. Stay tuned…
Mike Mc Grath
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